I Don't Dance
by Forever Yours Zana
Summary: In which Naruto is a gangster street dancer sure to rock the city streets of NYC and Sasuke’s the handsome and reserved Asian with a past. Mainly NaruSasu, crackish
1. Move I

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto, or anything else for that matter (including the song 'Like Whoa' by Mya). I simply write for my personal amusement and for the amusement of others who get off of my amusement.

**Summary:** In which Naruto is a gangster street dancer sure to rock the city streets of NYC and Sasuke's the handsome and reserved, intelligent Asian with a past.

Why?

Because I can and will, _ohohohohoho!_ This fic should NOT be taken seriously as it was written for kicks and spawned from a discussion with myself and my favorite beta EVER **shy7cat. **You guys wish she was your beta, oh yeah. Many thanks to her!

This fic's going to be either a _two-shot_ or a _three-shot_, hence the rapid plot movement.

**Rated T** **Plus**: For _**gratuitous **_use of foul language, light sexual situations

**Genres:** Romance/Humor/Drama/General

**Warnings:** Highschool!AU (my last one, hopefully), shonen-ai, cursing, questionable characterizations…the usual…

**Enjoy and REVIEW for MORE!**

**XXX**

_In which Sasuke Uchiha (dis)likes Naruto Uzumaki with a passion. _

**XXX**

**Profile One **

**Name:** Sasuke Uchiha (Uchiha Sasuke, if you want go the Japanese route)

**Age:** 17

**Hair:** Blue-Black

**Eyes:** Dark grey to the point of appearing black

**Ethnicity: **Japanese

**Likes:** N/A

**Dislikes:** Almost everything and anything. Sweets. Stupid People, ect.

**Occupation(s):** Gifted Student/Pessimistic-Emo-Bastard/Future Company Owner

**Nickname(s):** Bastard, asshole, Emo Kid, Antisocial, Ice Prince(ss) and "Saucy-K."

**Family:** Fugaku Uchiha, Mikoto Uchiha (both deceased) and Itachi Uchiha (guardian); Distant relative of the Hyuugas

**Catchphrase:** "Come near me and I _will_ permanently disfigure you."

**Sakura, on Sasuke:** "I'd totally sleep with him. If he wasn't such a frigid bitch."

**Itachi, on Sasuke:** "He's weak."

**Fangirls (boys), on Sasuke:** "WE LOVE YOU!"

**Haters, on Sasuke:** "Annoying little arrogant _shit_." "Total bitch." "I fucking _hate_ his guts."

**Naruto, on Sasuke:** "He's just my type, _purr_."

**XXX**

**I Don't Dance**

**Move I**

**XXX**

Sasuke Uchiha was very good at pretending. This was evident from the way Sasuke Uchiha pretended not to watch as that tanned, tall, and blond idiot, Naruto Uzumaki, closed and locked the door to his English class.

The other students that Sasuke was forced to share his education with twittered, chattered, and whooped as Naruto proceeded to hop on their teacher Kakashi Hatake's desk. The blond then kicked off all of the papers, pencils, and other teacher-ish objects that had previously occupied it.

The idiot's partner-in-crime, Kiba Inuzuka, grinned wolfishly as he pulled his iPod and his iPod Speakers from his book bag. Naruto turned around to face the class and winked as he began to rock his hips back and forth, from the left oh-_so_-seductively-slowly to the right. Girls (and guys, some jokingly, others not so much) whistled and howled in appreciation.

"Yeeaaah Uzumaki, I want to tap that," Kiba called out from the audience with an unruly chuckle. Naruto winked again and replied, rather smugly, "Tch who _doesn't _want to tap this?" Naruto then gesticulated to his crotch area. A fresh wave of giggles erupted all around the classroom.

Yes, Sasuke Uchiha was definitely not watching Naruto work his hips with the expertise of a prostitute. Sasuke was reading a book. A good book. A book with words and stuff. Yeah…

A popular rap song (how Sasuke despised rap music) blasted from Kiba's iPod Speakers. Naruto stopped his hip swaying and gave a foxy grin as he went into Dancer Mode. Naruto's body dove into a series of intricate movements—jumping on the table twice, spinning, waggling his arms, snapping his fingers, and popping his gum. All of his movements neatly tied into the underlying beat of the music. Anyone with half a brain could tell that _this_ poetry-in-movement was Naruto's passion.

…And then Naruto turned around. He began to shake his rear end for all that it was worth, his red and black boxers peeking out from underneath his extremely baggy jeans. The spectators cheered and clapped, falling victim to the electric buzz that lingered in the air, all completely enthralled at ball of vibrancy that was Naruto Uzumaki.

"…Naruto, what the _hell_ are you doing on my desk?"

**XXX **

**Profile Two**

**Name:** Naruto Uzumaki

**Age:** 17

**Hair:** Sunshine Yellow

**Eyes:** Sky Blue

**Ethnicity:** European/Japanese-hybrid

**Likes:** Dancing, ramen, flirting, hippies, walking around naked, Oreos, sleeping, animals, anything orange, music, _America's Next Top Model_, and having a good time

**Dislikes:** Assholes, bastards, conservatives, the words _snack_ and _phallus,_ religious fanatics, trashy reality television, and obnoxious people

**Occupation(s):** Student/Dancer/Lover/God

**Nickname(s):** N-Mak, Dickless, Loser, Idiot, Foxy, and Sexy

**Family:** Minato Namikaze, Kushina Uzumaki (deceased)

**Catchphrase:** "I'm the coolest thing since sliced bread, believe it bitches!"

**Sakura, on Naruto:** "An idiot, but a lovable idiot."

**Kiba, on Naruto:** "Totally me, if I was a blond Asian and bisexual."

**Sasuke, on Naruto: **"Useless, clumsy idiot."

**Naruto, on Himself:** "I win _so_ fucking hard at life, it's not even funny. You know you're all hating on me."

**XXX**

All noise came to a stop. Everyone's eyes shifted to the classroom doorway where Kakashi Hatake stood, holding a set of keys in one hand and a cup of Starbucks coffee in the other. He had caught Naruto mid-butt-shake.

Ino Yamanaka pointed to the cup of coffee Kakashi held in his hand, "Ew, you're so _mainstream _Hatake. Not cool at all. You lose some cool points."

Naruto laughed sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck, "I'd have to agree with Ino, Kakashi. Starbucks _is_ nasty. But um…you see I was teaching the class this totally fun and new way of learning vocabulary! Really!"

"…Sure, if the vocab word of the day means: to have a flat ass and no penis," quipped Sai with a smile which caused some students to explode in a round of infectious laughter.

Kakashi smiled from behind his mask, "Maybe I like being a part of the mainstream. Now, Naruto, get off of my desk, pick up my things, and head to the principal's office."

Naruto gave Sai the middle finger before pouting at Kakashi, "Awww damn, why you got to do me like that? Sai's the one really disrupting the class with his dick jokes…"

"Ah. Well in that case, you can take Sai with you," Kakashi replied all too pleasantly, causing Naruto to groan in defeat.

Sasuke found himself smirking at Naruto from behind his book.

**XXX**

Every Saturday morning, Sasuke Uchiha headed to the public library where he sat down in the furthest corner and studied various subjects for about two hours. The library was a perfect escape from his sadistic older brother, girls, and life in general.

Every Saturday morning, as Sasuke made his way to the library by foot, he would stop by an antique-looking dance studio located in an equally ancient building. A room whose walls were covered in cracked, dusty glass and contained the bars used for warm ups by ballerinas. Sasuke would steal glances through the open doorway where music would flow out from, and there, in the studio (was it really a surprise?), Sasuke would find the school's dance team captain practicing alone.

Sasuke was not a stalker. Sasuke was barely sure of why he did this in the first place. He had pretty much convinced himself that he did not go out of his way on Saturday mornings to watch Naruto Uzumaki dance. Denial was such a lovely, lovely thing, after all.

This Saturday morning, Sasuke found himself stopping by the dance studio once again. Naruto was shirtless and his sun-kissed flesh gleamed with sweat. His Adam's apple bobbed up and down as he sipped water from a bottle. Sasuke guessed that Naruto had just completed performing a routine and was now taking a short break.

At the sound of a cell phone ringing, Naruto set his water bottle down and shuffled through his things tossed haphazardly on the floor before discovering his phone and flipping it open. Naruto then leaned against a glass and began to talk.

"Yo, N-Mak here. Oh…hey dad. Yeah, yeah…I'm at—no, I'm not dancing. I'm at the library. Studying. Gotta keep those grades up for college, like I promised. I'll be home soon, 'kay? A'ight. Talk to ya later. Bye."

Naruto closed his phone and sank to the ground as gracefully as melting candle wax. His father disapproved the idea of him being a dancer and would do anything in his power to take it away from him. Naruto felt a twang of guilt, which he associated with lying to his father practically all of the time, but it was the only way. Naruto couldn't possibly explain to his father that he didn't want to go off and become a doctor or some boring shit like that. He wanted to attend Julliard, the prestigious art school located in the heart of New York City, and further fine-tune his skill. He wanted to entertain others and be entertained for a living.

Naruto remember his father once telling him that he was truly his mother's son. His father had ended his speech, rather regretfully, "…And this is why your mother is no longer here. I'll be damned if I let anything happen to my only child."

Naruto squeezed his eyes shut and pulled at his hair. He puffed out hot air from his lips.

_I wish I knew mom. She would have supported me. I know she would've. I just need to come up with the money…I know I'm talented, but still college costs money and I'm sure as hell not to get anything through my crappy grades. Fuck…_

"…At the library you say?"

An azure eye cracked open and glanced toward the doorway where Sasuke Uchiha stood, dressed primly in a black pea coat and sporting a thick, navy blue scarf. He was cradling a stack of books in his gloved hands.

Naruto cocked his head to the side and grinned, "Uchiha. Saucy-K. Asian boy. What brings you to my humble abode?"

Sasuke narrowed his eyes, "Stop calling me that ridiculous nickname. And you're just as Asian as I am, dumbass."

"I don't look the part, but yeah. That's not the point," Naruto said, gradually standing up from his spot. He began to stretch his toned arms.

"Newsflash, Saucy-K. I see you watching me all of the time. You're really bad at pretending you're not. What's that about Uchiha? Hating on the tan you can never achieve?"

Sasuke's left eye twitched. He adjusted his glasses and replied, "I think the lines of coke you do with Inuzuka are severely disturbing your thought process and therefore, causing you to suffer from hallucinations. Dumbass."

Naruto chuckled, "Oooh, Asian, smart, and a dirty mouth too. You're my hottest wet dream come true, _Saucy-K_."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Too bad you aren't in any of mine," he replied, which was one of the biggest lies ever told. His subconscious harbored something for Naruto that his conscious wasn't willing to accept. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that the first time he ever met Naruto, he had pissed him off, more than anyone ever had the nerve to, and got in a fight with him. A violent fists-and-bruises kind of masculine brawl.

Naruto slapped a palm to his chest and gasped dramatically, "Ah! Straight to the heart! So blunt and cold! So sexy! Damn you Sasuke; you'll be the death of millions! Death through nosebleeds!"

"Hn," Sasuke replied. Naruto stopped his theatrics and then stared at Sasuke pointedly, making him feel somewhat prickly. "What the _fuck_ are you looking at, dobe?" he asked.

Naruto clapped his hands together childishly, "Yes! There goes the cute little Japanese nickname you have for me! But, in all seriousness Sasuke, do you have rhythm? Can you dance?"

Sasuke promptly turned around and deadpanned, "I'm leaving."

But before Sasuke could make his cool escape from Naruto, he found that an arm had wrapped itself around his waist. Sasuke became very aware, very fast, that his back was pressed against Naruto's (bare) chest and that his ass was squirming against Naruto's crotch. The shock of it all caused Sasuke to drop his books.

"Dance with me, Saucy-K. No wonder why you're so prim and prissy. You have to let loose and I'm going to help you _do_ it," Naruto murmured in Sasuke's ear. His voice had dropped a few octaves and sounded undeniably husky. Sexy. Not good for Sasuke _at all_. Sasuke knew that he was blushing.

Yes, the situation was _highly _inauspicious. Not to mention awkward.

So Sasuke did what he did best. He escaped Naruto's hold, punched the blond as hard as he could (which was extremely hard) in the stomach, picked up his books, and stormed out.

Naruto fell to the floor in a daze, clutching his stomach and gasping for air.

_Wow…what a punch…he's Asian, smart, has a dirty mouth, __**and**__ likes it rough. I think I might be in love…aw…shit, I think he broke my ribs…_

**XXX**

**Profile Three**

**Name:** Sakura Haruno

**Age:** 17

**Hair:** Bubblegum Pink (dyed)

**Eyes:** Light Green

**Ethnicity: **Irish/Polish/Japanese

**Likes:** Boy on boy action, springtime, eating, cursing people out, debating, delivering the 'smack down' to those who need it, swimming, reading, science, and math

**Dislikes:** Narrow-minded people, the media, socks, feeling dirty, and non-Crayola art supplies

**Occupation(s):** Student/Dance Team Manager/Psychotic Bitch when PMS-ing

**Nickname(s):** Pinky, Cherry Blossom Chick, Saki, "Flatty" (seldom used)

**Family:** A mom and a dad

**Catchphrase:** "Why can't those two just fuck each other already? Goddamn."

**Naruto, on Sakura:** "She's so pretty and awesome! Albeit, scary sometimes. I love her!"

**Lee, on Sakura:** "A most youthful and respectable woman!"

**Ino, on Sakura:** "Biggest forehead I've ever seen, heh."

**Inner!Sakura, on Sakura: "KICK-ASS, CHA!" **

**XXX**

**Monday, Period 2 Physical Education Class**

**XXX**

"You've came up with a routine? That's bitchin' Hinata, you should show it to me right now," Sakura Haruno declared.

"I would love to see what you have come up with," Lee agreed, slowing down his pace so that he could talk with his fellow dance mates.

Their gym teacher blew his whistle in a pathetic attempt to get his students to stop chattering and run faster around the track. Hinata Hyuuga blushed as she looked away, "It…it isn't very good. Nothing like…like Naruto's…"

Sakura smirked, "Show us your dance right now or else…I'll tell Uzumaki you have the biggest crush on him EVER and want to have his blond-haired Japanese babies. Which isn't all that far from the truth I might add…"

Lee gasped, "Sakura, blackmailing your friends is _not_ nice!"

"But it's effective, Lee my boy, very effective…"

Hinata stopped running at once and made an undignified whimper. She pushed her two index fingers against one another and whimpered once more before she stuck her arms out in front of her. Her lavender-grey eyes burned with determination as she moved. Compared to Naruto's loose, unrefined style, Hinata danced with a subtle elegance and charm. There was never any ass jigging in her dances although her breasts had a tendency to bounce all over the place, something that Sakura was envious of.

Hinata ended her dance with a perfect split and she remained in that position as she looked at her two friends with a pouty face, "…That…that's it…it's…bad…right?"

Sakura snorted, "It wasn't bad; it was _tasty_. You've got to show everyone else at practice today after school, got it Hyuuga?"

Hinata played with her fingers, "We don't have practice today…remember? Today's the…the street competition. We're going against…against The Sound Five."

Sakura's eyes narrowed at the sound of their rival's name. She immediately grabbed Hinata's shoulders and began shaking her, "Make sure you do your best today Hinata! You too Lee, we have to beat those _assholes_!"

The rest of Sakura's speech was blocked by the piercing sound of her gym teacher's whistle.

"That curse word just got you fifty pushups Haruno! Now _get_ to it!"

"Aw _shit_…"

"_Make that a hundred!" _

**XXX**

_What's on the schedule tonight?_

_Am I the reason you'll be treating? _

_I hope you have an appetite…_

_So tell me baby will you come and spend the night? _

_My love is like whoa, my kiss is like whoa, my touch is like whoa, my sex is like whoa, my ass is like whoa, my body's like whoa, and you're kissing it, so tell me what you think of it? _

_Hold me, oh my, taste it, taste it, hold me, oh my, taste it, my, my, taste it…_

These were the lyrics that Naruto was (unknowingly) singing far too loudly in the middle of his study hall class.

"Inuzuka, _make _your friend stop before I do," the study hall teacher, Asuma warned. Kiba got to it, pulling out one of Naruto's iPod earphones and smacking the blond in the back of his head.

"Ouch Kiba, what the fuck?"

"Dude, you were singing about having sex in front of everyone. Loudly. And _badly_," Kiba whispered.

"Oh snap, really?" Naruto whispered back. He then stood up at his seat and bowed, "I am deeply sorry for disturbing this wonderful study hall class with my tone-deaf singing about how my kisses, ass, body, and sex are like whoa. On a side note, I'd like to point out that that song was especially dedicated to the ever elusive Saucy-K. _Hint, hint_."

"_Fuck you,_" Naruto heard Sasuke's voice say and only Naruto detected the swift tinge of emotion hidden beneath layers of slathered on animosity.

When Naruto stood up straight, he saw Sasuke's back as he exited the classroom, slamming the door shut behind him. Naruto winced and Sai pointed out, "It looks as if Uchiha's rejected your advances. Maybe he's _not_ gay?"

Naruto snorted, "That kid is _so_ gay. And I'm going to go after him now. It was a blast inhaling the heavy second-hand smoke off you Asuma! Later!"

"If you leave this class, you're getting a Saturday detention Uzumaki…!" The teacher yelled after Naruto.

But by that point and time, Naruto had already run out of the classroom. Kiba sighed as he looked at Naruto's desk, "_Of course_ he leaves his books and shit behind...and I bet he expects me to bring it to him too…_damn you_ Naruto Uzumaki..."

**XXX**

Sasuke had just reached the safety of his school's library when he heard his name being shouted noisily from the library's entrance.

"Yo! Sasuke! Wait up, I want to talk to you!"

The school librarian rudely asked Naruto to shut the fuck up before she killed him. The school librarian being none other than Anko Mitarashi, this was in fact one of her nicer threats. Naruto compiled with her wishes and lowered his voice as he waltzed over to where the other boy stood by the fiction section.

"Sasuke, why'd you run out of class like that? I don't bite…_much_," Naruto said with his trademark foxy grin.

"It's because I can't stand you," Sasuke replied automatically. Naruto tilted his head and said simply, "And I don't think you mean that. I think you're lying through your teeth."

Sasuke frowned. Oh, he would _break _Naruto if need be. Anything to prevent himself from going any farther than his subconscious allowed.

"I hate the way you strut yourself around in school and flaunt yourself like you're someone special. Guess what _dobe_ means? Dead-last. You're _nothing_. You're not going to get anywhere dancing. You're just going to become another useless waste of flesh to society, a _statistic_ if you will. You _absolutely_ disgust me—"

"Then why do you watch me dance, Sasuke?" Naruto interrupted with an air of maturity Sasuke had yet to see from him, "And…even if the stuff you're saying is true…I mean, I've heard it all before from my father. I'm glad. Because I think I'd rather be a happy statistic then a miserable one."

"_You are a total and complete…"_

"Idiot? Moron? Dumbass? _Dobe_? I think I see what you're trying to do here _Saucy-K_ and it's not working. You're trying to push me away because you're so far into denial that you're threatening to make yourself a permanent resident of Egypt."

By this point, Sasuke's back was pressed against the bookshelf and Naruto's face was moving closer to his. Sasuke felt claustrophobic and irritated; this was supposed to be the other way around, he was slightly taller for goodness sakes!

_I should beat the shit out of him and leave; I should beat the shit out of that usuratonkachi and leave before…_

Naruto continued, not all bothered by their newfound (unwanted) intimacy, "I'm about to make a really cheesy confession. So don't laugh and don't attempt to kill me until after you've heard everything, a'ight? Okay, here I go: I've liked you for awhile. Since the eighth grade to be exact. Now, don't get me wrong—I really hated you at first because I thought you were this ice bitch with a major superiority complex. But then after the fight we had, I kind of realized that you were an ice bitch with a major inferiority complex. I saw how your brother treated you like crap that day when he came to the school to pick you up. You had the saddest look in your eyes…"

"You don't know what you're—"

Naruto placed a finger on Sasuke's dry lips.

"Hey! I'm not done yet! Anyway, you had this real sad look in your eyes and that was the day I decided that I liked you. I never told you of course, because we were _rivals_. And guys—but the guy part I don't mind so much right now. The truth is Sasuke…I've always admired you. People adored you: you're gorgeous, athletic, and get good grades. I wasn't any of those things back in freshmen year of high school. People made fun of my whisker-marks and gave me nothing but shit. That's when I started dancing. I had a talent and used it to my advantage. I became popular at once. Made friends and everything. But during our entire high school career, I've always been thinking about you. Like noticing the little things about you—you twitch your nose like a rabbit when you think something is funny but don't want to laugh aloud. You like tomatoes. You love reading. You like having your personal space. You have five different kinds of smirks. Your eyes aren't really black like everyone says they are. They're more of a dark grey. You can see the grey when you take off your glasses and let your eyes shine in the light. When we look at each other and turn away…pretending as if we weren't looking at each other—we both smile. At least, I smile…you do Smirk Number Three. And your skin is…okay, I need to stop rambling. The point is, Sasuke, give me a chance. One date, maybe? I think we have a lot in common. I think we'd be good for each other, even Gaara said so before—"

"No," Sasuke replied with finality.

"….No?"

"No," Sasuke repeated again, "You can watch me all you want and come up with your ridiculous little ideas, but I am not interested in having a relationship with anyone, especially _you_, anytime soon."

Naruto's face twisted in anger. He grabbed Sasuke by the front of his shirt and asked, "What the hell are you so afraid of? You're so confusing, stalking me one moment and hating me the next!"

Sasuke did not like the way those blues eyes searched his own blank ones for an answer.

"I'm afraid of _nothing_, loser. You're just delusional."

"Then kiss me. I don't even need that date anymore, since you so _obviously_ hate me. Just give me one, little, kiss and I'll leave you the fuck alone forever. Isn't that what you want Sasuke? To be left alone to _rot_?" Naruto hissed, now shaking in anger. Sasuke remained indifferent.

_I should beat the shit out of him and leave; I should beat the shit out of that usuratonkachi and leave before…_

Naruto pressed his lips against Sasuke's in the hopes of making Sasuke react…anything to make Sasuke do more than stare through him, as if he didn't exist. Sasuke's lips were cool and dry to the touch. Naruto tried to slip his tongue past Sasuke's lip, but to no avail. After seconds of kissing marble, Naruto pulled away.

Sasuke slowly raised a hand and wiped his mouth. He then readjusted his glasses.

"You got what you wanted, dumbass. Now get out of my face."

**XXX**

**Afterschool**

**Location: The Rock Lee Residence**

**XXX**

"…I don't like the color of the air. It's too thick. Too murky."

Lee continued to change in front of his sort-of-boyfriend-friend. Gaara was Lee's sort-of-boyfriend-friend because the two had not made anything official yet and Lee hated the idea of having a friend-with-benefits. It was after school and they were in Lee's room where the dancer was in the process of changing into his 'mandatory' outfit for the competition. Gaara was clairvoyant to a certain degree and could see auras and predict…_things_. He was misunderstood by the majority of the student body at school, but Lee liked Gaara a lot and wouldn't change his sort-of-boyfriend-friend for anything.

Lee zipped up his pants and turned around to face Gaara who regarded him with a vacant stare. It made Lee feel slightly unnerved since he couldn't tell if Gaara was 'checking him out' or just…_staring_. Gaara was most likely doing the latter.

"Do you think that our team is going to lose against the Sound Five?"

Gaara stared at Lee for a few more second before slowly turning his head and staring out of Lee's window.

"…I've sensed a sudden negative dip in Uzumaki's chakra."

**XXX**

**Profile Four **

**Name:** Kiba Inuzuka

**Age:** 17

**Hair:** Brown

**Eyes:** Dark Brown

**Ethnicity: **Japanese/Italian

**Likes:** Animals (especially his dog Akamaru), being a guy, Myspace, being annoying, laughing, porn, eating, drinking, teasing people, and flip-flops

**Dislikes:** Stuck-up prudes who can't seem to get those twenty-seven foot poles out of their tight asses, coffee, emo kids, and whores (of all kinds)

**Occupation(s):** Student/Dancer/Naruto's Right-Hand Man

**Nickname(s):** K-Unit, Bazooka

**Family:** Mom, dad, Akamaru (dog), and a bitchy older sister

**Catchphrase:** "Hey you. Yeah, you with the face. Sucks to be you, doesn't it?"

**Naruto, on Kiba:** "Retarded asshole. Gotta love the guy though, heh."

**Ino, on Kiba:** "I'll never forgive him for destroying my favorite pair of panties. _Never_."

**Sai, on Kiba:** "Naruto's penis."

**Hinata, on Kiba:** "Eh…um…he's really an amazing person. I'm glad…to say that I know him."

**XX End Move XX**

Until the next installment (**R and R** folks!), ja ne!

(And FYI…I _adore_ Starbucks.)


	2. Move II

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto, or anything else for that matter, including the songs mentioned in the chapter. I simply write for my personal amusement and for the amusement of others who get off of my amusement. We are all amusement whores in the end, if you really think about it.

**Summary:** In which Naruto is a gangster street dancer sure to rock the city streets of NYC and Sasuke's the handsome and reserved, intelligent Asian with a past.

Why?

Because I can and will, _ohohohohoho!_ This fic should NOT be taken seriously as it was written for kicks and spawned from a discussion with myself and the best beta EVER **shy7cat. **You guys wish she was yours, but she's not. She's mine. So nyah, nyahhh.

This fic's going to be (hopefully) a _four-shot_, hence the rapid plot movement. Updated as requested by my profile poll! This fic's the most popular thus far. Make sure to check out my page and keep voting!

**Rated T** **Plus**: For _**gratuitous **_use of foul language, light sexual situations, crack

**Genres:** General/Romance/Humor/Drama

**Members of SUDOKU:** Naruto, Kiba, Lee, Hinata, Ino, and Shino (just for clarification).

**Enjoy and REVIEW for MORE!**

**XXX**

_In which things get a little hectic. _

**XXX**

**Profile Five**

**Name:** Minato Namikaze

**Age:** N/A (Somewhere between his late twenties to early thirties—claims he's 13)

**Hair:** Sunshine Yellow

**Eyes:** Sky Blue

**Ethnicity: **European—German/Japanese

**Likes:** Bonding with Naruto through shopping (of all kinds), bonding with Naruto's friends, acting like a child, 80s music, doing activities outdoors, his pet frogs, black coffee, cooking, talking to Kushina's grave, and watching CNN

**Dislikes:** The idea of Naruto wasting his life away dancing, nasty food, his stalker Kyuubi, itchy sweaters, the crazy mailman, global warming, the president, and taxes

**Occupation(s):** Father/College Professor/Sexy Bachelor

**Nickname(s):** Papa, Daddy-O, Mr. N, Naruto's Clone, Sexy Dad

**Family:** Kushina Uzumaki (deceased), Naruto Uzumaki

**Catchphrase:** "Mini-Me, we should go sky-diving this weekend! I'll buy you ramen!"

(**Naruto's Usual Response:** "Oh my fucking God, HELL NO! You're NOT a teenager anymore! You still should buy me ramen though…because I _love_ you the most-est Daddy-O.")

**Naruto, on Minato:** "I love my dad…I really do. He's all I have left. I'd wish he'd support my dancing though. And why the hell does everyone think he's sexier than me when we look the freakin' same?!"

**Sakura, Ino, and Tenten on Minato:** (wolf whistles)

**Lee, on Minato:** "He is a most admirable man! Not as admirable as my mentor Gai-sensei…we occasionally go jogging together!"

**Kiba, on Minato: **"Mr. N's **FTW**, for real, for real!"

**XXX**

**I Don't Dance**

**Move II**

**XXX**

Elderly couples who walked their dogs and joggers were interested as to why one group of teenagers were wearing massive purple assbows and the other sporting bright orange pants were standing in the middle of Central Park. One of the joggers politely asked one of the spectators who were crowded around the groups of bizarre adolescents what was going on.

"Yo, son! Sound's going against Uzumaki's Crew today and it's going to be jump off, ya heard me? Don't be a suckah! You gotta watch this hot shit or else you's a fool, word on everything!" replied the spectator eloquently.

This teenager in particular was an obvious poser.

And so, the crowd for the dance off between the rival teams became larger and not just restricted to high school brat-faces and whores. Hobos hiding knives inside of their jackets and police officers on break joined in on the viewing action as well.

"Hey, Uzumaki's Bitches, I'd like to point something out. Just a little bit of information you losers must be oblivious to," drawled Suigetsu Hozuki, leader of the Sound Five dance squad. The other members of the squad included Kimimaro Kaguya, Juugo, Karin, and Kabuto Yakushi. Kabuto wasn't really a high school student. In fact, no one was sure _what_ Kabuto was. But he was on the team regardless because he had some pretty kick-ass moves.

"It's been thirty minutes and your _oh-so-fearless_ leader isn't here yet. What gives?"

The two rival dance teams stood across from each other, staring each other down with vicious glares. The Sexy Uzumaki Dance Orange Konoha Unit—dubbed SUDOKU for short— were dressed for dancing success in their matching day-glow orange sweatpants and black tank tops. But as Suigetsu pointed out, Naruto was half an hour late. And the crowd was getting rather impatient. Kiba took a step forward, grabbed the front of Suigetsu shirt and looked him in the eye.

"Don't get your panties in a twist shark-face, Uzumaki _will_ be here. Isn't that right Gaara?"

The resident psychic regarded Kiba with a blank stare. "…I don't sense his presence near here. At all."

Kiba slapped his forehead and pulled out his cell phone. Karin snickered. "How _embarrassing_!"

Ino cracked her knuckles. "I'll show you embarrassing if you don't stop your cackling, you _ugly bitch_."

Karin snarled as she took a few steps forward, hands glued to her hips. "You did NOT just call me ugly, _fatass_." Hinata made her way in between the two girls. "P—please let's…let's not fight…"

Suigetsu wiped a tear of laughter from his eye."Chill Karin, I actually agree with the blonde girl! But, moving on to serious matters; if Uzumaki doesn't get his ass here in exactly ten minutes, our team automatically wins, Haruno," he said, directing his statement to SUDOKU's manager. Sakura narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Sounds fair enough Hozuki."

"What the fuck is this shit?! I paid money to see a fucking dance off and I want to see a dance off! Right-fucking-_now_!" A bystander demanded. The person standing next to the bystander jabbed his friend in the ribs. "Dude…we didn't have to pay for anything."

"For real? Oh _fuck_ me…"

"No one would want to," Sai said, with a pleasant smile, "Not with that face of—"

Neji Hyuuga covered Sai's mouth and stared at the bystander. "He doesn't mean what he says, just ignore him. He is socially retarded, you see, and you just can't help the socially retarded. It is his fate," Neji explained.

"Damn him, that little bastard didn't even pick up his phone," Kiba growled to himself, "Where in the hell could he be—?"

"_I'm right HERE bitches! Sorry I'm late!" _

An elderly gentleman fell over in shock as a blond-haired, blue-eyed teenager with whisker marks decorating the apple of his cheeks jumped out from a nearby tree. Naruto's eyes widened as the elderly man's wife called for help.

"Holy shit—I'm so sorry ma'm! I didn't mean to give him a heart attack! Here, you can use my cell pho—"

The old lady screamed as she pulled out a heavy, dark blue Bible from her purse and proceeded to beat Naruto with it. "You evil, evil child! How dare you! How dare you come near me with your devilish new-fangled object! You need Jesus in your life! JESUS!"

"Ouch! OW! Oh my God—OWCH! I'm sorry! I'M SORRY! Oh Christ—KIBA SAVE ME DAMNIT!"

Shino, who had been studying ants burrowing inside of a nearby tree, touched his forehead with the tips of her fingers and sighed. "Now this…_this_ is truly embarrassing," Shino said.

"Troublesome, even," Shikamaru Nara agreed.

**XXX**

**Profile Six **

**Name:** Gaara (Last Name N/A)

**Age:** 17

**Hair:** Red

**Eyes:** Greenish-Blue

**Ethnicity: **Irish/Japanese

**Likes:** Going to the beach, spending time with Lee, reading difficult novels, predicting deaths, eating lizard tongue, heavy death metal screamo music, classic movies, anime/manga (although he'll never admit to liking anything)

**Dislikes:** Idiots, his family (save for his brother Kankuro and maybe his sister Temari), school, stereotypes, bigots, bad television, and most mainstream things

**Occupation(s):** Naruto's Friend/Psychic/Student/Dance Team Supporter

**Nickname(s):** Racoon-face (Tanuki-chan), Elmo (used only by Lee and on extremely rare occasions), Emotastical (only used by Naruto)

**Family:** Temari, Kankuro, his Father, and totally gay uncle Yashamaru—mother, deceased

**Catchphrase:** "You…are not going to live very long."

**Naruto, on Gaara:** "He's way cooler than most people give him credit for, real smart too. He's actually a big, old softie inside…but, uh, don't tell anyone I said that. He was one of my first real friends. We kind of have a bond like that, ya heard me? But seriously…don't tell anyone I called Emotastical a softie. I'd like to live, thank you very much."

**Lee, on Gaara:** (turns red)

**Sasuke, on Gaara:** "I don't like him. And I don't think his little 'predictions' are accurate. Hn."

**Kankuro, on Gaara: **"I think he used to hate me, and I kind of hated him too, but now we're cool."

**XXX**

"Now that Uzumaki's done getting his ass beat by an old woman, we can finally get started. I say our team goes first, since you were late and all. It's only fair," Suigetsu said as Juugo slipped a CD into the boom box he placed onto the ground. A square piece of cardboard box was laid out in between the two teams to dance on, to prevent any scrapes or cuts that could result from dancing on bare concrete.

Naruto grinned brightly. "Sure dawg, but that still doesn't mean you're going to win. Just hurry up with your routine so that the lovely crowd here can get a taste of what real street dancing looks like, eh?"

"I think," Kimimaro said, his voice dangerously soft, "that you're going to regret those words Naruto Uzumaki. Hit the music Kabuto."

The bespectacled member of the Sound Team pushed play with a gentle click and an infamous rap song began to play its obnoxious, overplayed tune. Juugo began to mouth the words to the song as if he was saying them to the audience.

_Yoooouuuu!  
Soulja boy I tell 'em,  
"Hey, I got a new dance fo you all called the soulja boy!"  
Yoooouuuu!  
_

Sakura scoffed in disgust. She leaned over and whispered in Naruto's ear, "This song is a disgrace to everything that is hip-hop. And the dance is retarded. SUDOKU's going to wipe the floor with these guys. So, why were you so freaking late, dumbass?"

_Soulja boy off in this hoe,  
Watch me crank it  
Watch me roll!  
Watch me crank that soulja boy  
Then super soak that hoe!  
Now watch me youuuuuuuuuuu…_

The Sound Five did their flawless rendition of the Crank Dat Soulja Boy dance, while Karin and Kimimaro performed decent break dancing moves on the cardboard floor. SUDOKU's fans booed the Sound team fervently while the Sound Five's fans cheered them on wildly.

Naruto rubbed the back of his neck and replied, "Eh…things came up. But all of that doesn't matter now. It won't happen again, I promise, yeah?"

Sakura nodded, placing a hand on her hip, a smile gracing her face. "It better not. Because you showing up late reflects poorly on my managing skills. Plus, Ino was about to bitch-smack that bitch Karin. That wouldn't have ended prettily Uzumaki."

Gaara had shuffled away from Lee's side and approached both Naruto and Sakura. The two stopped talking as soon as Gaara opened his mouth to speak.

"…Don't do what you're planning to do. Things will end…._badly_."

Sakura raised an eyebrow at the same time Naruto laughed. He reached out a hand to ruffle Gaara's red hair. Gaara narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips into a straight line; he disliked it when others did not heed his warnings.

"I'm serious Naruto Uzumaki. Don't do it or else—"

"La! I'll be fine Tanuki-chan! So stop listening to the crazy voices in your head for once and get some ice cream, dig mah brotha?"

Naruto beamed as gave a hearty smack across the back that caused Gaara to stumbled forward and fall. Naruto squeaked and Sakura paled. Lee yelled, "Gaara!" dramatically and ran over to his fallen sort-of-boyfriend-friend.

"Tanuki-chan! I'm SO fucking sorry! I almost forgot you don't play any sports, and therefore are fragile and emotastical! Don't hurt me please! I'll buy you ramen…? Why do I keep making people fall damnit?! That shit ain't flying wit me!"

"Yo, Uzumaki. Stop being a fag and get to the dancing. We're done," Karin snapped, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose in glee. She kicked the boom box over to SUDOKU's side of the cardboard box. Suigetsu smacked her in the back of the head.

"Stupid bitch! Watch it, that's _my_ fucking boom box!"

"Don't call me a bitch you piece of shitty SHIT. And if you EVER hit me again, I'll KILL YOU!" Karin screeched back, thus inducing a fight between herself and the leader of the Sound Five. The other members of their crew looked away in shame.

"I should be leader," Kabuto murmured to himself, knowing full well that such a dream would never come true.

Naruto gave his trademark flirty, foxy grin as he swayed his hips from side to side, pulling out a glossy, silver CD from his left pocket. Whistles and cheers of "I LOVE you NARUTO!" erupted from the immense wave of observers.

"Hey guys, we're going to do the new dance, a'ight?" Naruto said to his comrades as he slipped in the CD. Kiba frowned. "That dance? But…it's not perfected yet. Have you been smoking crack or something? We can't do that one N-Mak. Let's do the routine we _planned_ on doing."

"I…I believe…Kiba's right," Hinata spoke up, blushing. "You…you could get hurt, Naruto."

Naruto snorted. "Pshaw. We'll do fine. I have the music for it and everything. Trust me, I know what I'm doing. I want to give all these lovely peeps a good show, dig?"

Just as Shino and Lee were about to put their two cents in, the music started playing. Sakura raised an eyebrow and gave the _I Don't Approve and I Think This Was What Gaara Was Talking About, Dumbass_ look. Naruto smirked gave Sakura the _I Am God, Remember? Everything Will Go According To Plan, Pretty Lady._

Kiba, Ino, Hinata, Lee, and Shino all gave each other _We Are Fucking Screwed. What The Hell Does Naruto Think He's Doing? _looks.

Britney Spears started to croon seductively from Suigetsu's boom box.

_Baby, can't you see  
I'm calling  
A guy like you  
Should wear a warning  
It's dangerous  
I'm fallin'_

_There's no escape  
I can't wait  
I need a hit  
Baby, give me it  
You're dangerous  
I'm lovin' it..._

Yes. Naruto Uzumaki was one of the few people who _still_ enjoyed the addictive teeny-bopper pop music of the pre-insane-Britney Spears.

The routine started off well enough. Kiba had paired up with Hinata while Naruto had paired up with Ino. Both couples swayed along with the rhythm of the song. There was a little bit of groping, grinding, and self touching (on Naruto's part) to rile the fangirls and fanboys in the audience up. Neji was not amused to see his cousin, however, grinding on Kiba who seemed to be enjoying it just a little _too_ much for his liking. Once the chorus of the song came around, the moves of the members of SUDOKU sped up and transformed into series of tight arm movements, spins, and optical leg illusions.

Gaara, who had long gotten up from the ground, shook his head in disappoint. Sakura, Sai, and Neji looked over at the psychic curiously. Shikamaru pointed to the team. "Look. I think this is what Gaara meant. They're screwing up now."

Hinata had stumbled during one move, accidentally bumping into Shino who fell but quickly got back on his feet. Lee performed a high kick that accidentally got Ino in the back of her head. The blonde female dancer gritted her teeth and smiled through the pain as she tilted her head back; trying to make sure that she was performing all of the moves in the right order.

Sakura's eyes grew as large as saucer plates. She grabbed Gaara by the shoulders. "Don't tell me…don't tell me Naruto's going to attempt the aerial flip?!"

"I believe he is," Sai said as he watched along with the other audience member as Naruto ran fast to the nearest tree, kicked one leg off of it, using the momentum to propel himself into the air.

The Sound Five watched in absolute horror (or at least Kabuto did) as Naruto did a half-assed attempt of a flip in the air (it appeared to be more like random flailing) before falling hard and fast to the ground, landing (and placing most of his weight on) his leg. A sickening crunch and crack of bone was heard, followed by an acute shout of pain that echoed throughout the silence that had overcome the crowd gathered in the middle of Central Park.

_Intoxicate me now  
With your lovin' now  
I think I'm ready now  
I think I'm ready now_

_Intoxicate me now  
With your lovin' now  
I think I'm ready now. _

"Dayyyyyuhm," Suigetsu whispered, "I don't think his leg is _supposed_ to bend like _that_."

**XXX**

**Profile Six **

**Name:** Kyuubi

**Age:** N/A—assumed to be a young adult by appearance

**Hair:** Red

**Eyes:** Red—assumed to be contacts

**Ethnicity: **N/A

**Likes:** Courting/Stalking Minato, violence, sex, other illegal and amoral activities

**Dislikes:** Weaklings, the Mini-Minato brat, peace and goodwill toward men

**Occupation(s):** Psychopath/Stalker

**Nickname(s):** Fox-Man, Crazy Bitch, Fox-Bastard, Creeper, Bastard Stalker, OMFG NOT _HIM _AGAIN, and WHY WON'T YOU DIE?!

**Family:** N/A

**Catchphrase:** "Hey, you piece of shit Mini-Minato…where's your dad?"

(**Naruto's Usual Response:** "Hiding from your crazy ass, motherfucker. How the hell did you get into our apartment again anyway?!")

**Minato, on Kyuubi:** "While I'm flattered I'm being shown _this_ much interest, I've already explained to Kyuubi several times that I just don't want another relationship…I don't want _anyone_ to replace my wife. I think Naruto would be uncomfortable having Kyuubi…with us. Permanently. And also, Kyuubi is in need of severe psychological help…"

**Sai, on Kyuubi:** "He's a complete asshole—just my kind of guy, Sakura says. I wonder what the hag means by that."

**Shikamaru, on Kyuubi:** "The most troublesome crazy person I've ever had the displeasure of meeting."

**Naruto, on Kyuubi: **"You know. I never had such violent urges in my life until I met that evil fox bastard. He needs to stay the fuck away from my Daddy-O. Or else." (Holds up a metal baseball bat)

**XXX **

"Foolish otouto. Are those classmates of yours I spy with my little eye on the six o'clock news?"

Sasuke looked away from the bowl of batter he was mixing and wiped his sticky hands on the front of the apron he wore. He regarded his older brother with a scowl.

"Don't try to be cute aniki. You sound like a pedophile. And what the hell are you talking about? Why would anyone from my school be on the…"

Sasuke trailed off as the image of Naruto Uzumaki being carried off on a stretcher into an ambulance reflected off of his glasses. Itachi smirked.

"Close your mouth otouto. You might catch flies."

Sasuke turned away from the plasma screen TV within their spacious kitchen. "Why don't you shut the hell up aniki or else I won't make you shit for dinner."

"Come now foolish otouto, you would never do that to your precious aniki, now would you?"

Sasuke, as well as all of the maids and butler in their expensive home, was perfectly aware of the fact that Itachi couldn't cook to save his life. Sasuke went back to mixing the batter he created for dumplings, purging his mind of any thoughts related to Naruto being taken away to a hospital on TV or how Naruto Uzumaki had kissed him and he how he had so boldly rejected him in response. But before Sasuke had walked away from his perfect rejection, he had not failed to notice the distressed look the idiot had on his stupid face. Naruto looked as if he were a lost child.

And it was bothering the hell out of Sasuke how someone so stupid and as irritating as Naruto could make him feel even the smallest twang of guilt. It wasn't fair.

Sasuke refused to allow himself to fall the dobe and that's how things were going to remain, even if he had to bathe himself in large quantities of denial.

"…Tell your aniki what's bothering you. You've been acting bitchier than usual. Are you thinking about Naruto Uzumaki? Do you wish to go to the hospital and visit him?"

Sasuke dropped the bowl he held in his hand, spilling thick, yellow batter all over the white tiles of the kitchen floor. And then, in a low and calm voice, he asked, "How…do you know his name if I've never told you? Are you _stalking_ him?"

Itachi continued to watch the news, eyes focused on the stock market reports as he replied, "Of course not. That would be _strange_, pedophilic even. I believe it is time for a little bedtime story, otouto. The true story of how Kushina Uzumaki passed away on the same night our parents did."

**XXX**

**Profile Seven**

**Name:** Sai (Last Name N/A)

**Age:** 17

**Hair:** Black

**Eyes:** Black

**Ethnicity: **Japanese

**Likes:** Freudian psychology, penises, coming up with nicknames, creating art, green tea, _Oprah_, reading self-help manuals, smiling, cooking, bothering Neji, and clothing that shows off his tummy

**Dislikes:** Hags, small dicks, Sasuke, cigarette smoke, complex emotions, and ugly shoes

**Occupation(s):** Student/Dance Team Supporter/Artist

**Nickname(s):** Smiling Bastard, CheezIt, Abs, Bow Chika Wow Wow, Sexy Hipbones, Bojangles

**Family:** Danzou (bastard step-father), older brother (deceased)

**Catchphrase:** "Hm. The bulge in your pants isn't looking too big."

**Sakura, on Sai:** "I swear to God if he calls me ugly just one more time…he will not live. And no one would ever find the body. That's how close our 'bond' is…"

**Ino, on Sai:** "Well, well. Let's just say I wouldn't mind getting into his pants, heh…he is kind of…you know. Socially retarded. But that's nothing a little Ino-Time can't fix, _ohoho_."

**Naruto, on Sai:** "I used to really, really, really, really hate him. Now I only really, really hate him from Monday through Friday. For some reason, he acts somewhat normal on the weekends. Must be a full moon thing."

**Neji, on Sai: **"He has his flaws and highlights, just like every other human being, I suppose."

(**Naruto:** Neji has a gay crush on Sai. Am I right or am I right? I think I'm right, all up init, yo!)

(**Neji:** Silence before I kill you Uzumaki…)

(**Naruto:** Fo' shizzle Captain Denial!)

**XX End Move XX **

**Z/N:** Uhm. This might became a four-shot. I love Sudoku. Hm. Naruto was kind of a jerk in this chapter. Let's see what the repercussions of his arrogance will gain him next chapter! More Saucy-K and Uchiha-Uzumaki family drama ahoy! Review, review, and review!


	3. Move III

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything. I wish I did own Blackanese!Naruto. We'd be BFFs. Word on everything G.

**Summary:** In which Naruto is a gangster street dancer sure to rock the city streets of NYC and Sasuke's the handsome and reserved, intelligent Asian with a past.

Why?

Because I can and will, _ohohohohoho!_ This fic should NOT be taken seriously as it was written for kicks and spawned from a discussion with me and my amazing friend/beta **shy7cat. **Many thanks to her!

This fic's going to be either a _four-shot_, hence the rapid plot movement.

**Rated T** **Plus**: For _**gratuitous **_use of foul language, light sexual situations

**Genres:** Romance/Humor/Drama/General

**Warnings:** Highschool!AU (my last one, hopefully), shonen-ai, cursing, questionable characterizations…manga spoilers…the usual

_Changing the fandom with one crack fic at a time!_

**Enjoy and REVIEW for MORE! Review replies at the end of the chapter! **

**XXX**

_In which there is drama._

**XXX**

**Profile Seven**

**Name:** Rock Lee

**Age:** 17

**Hair:** Black

**Eyes:** Black

**Ethnicity: **N/A (**Naruto:** Yo, is Lee even _from_ this planet?!)

**Likes:** Spending a good amount of time with his teacher, Gai-sensei, spending a good amount of time with his sort-of-boyfriend-friend Gaara, brushing his teeth so they shine insanely, exercising, going shopping with Ino, cooking, singing, dancing, gardening, volunteering at animal shelters and soup kitchens, and is a hardcore Kayane West fan

**Dislikes:** Unnecessarily mean people, getting drunk, and bad kung-fu movies

**Occupation(s):** Student/Dance Team Member/Martial Artist

**Nickname(s):** Bushy Brows, Bruce Lee, Doll-Eyes, Colgate Smile, Sir Rocks-A-Lot, and Nice Guy

**Family:** Relatively normal people (rumored to be Gai's biological son)

**Catchphrase:** "We must all do our very best! Fo' shizzle my rizzles! Yosh!" (followed by the Nice Guy Pose)

**Naruto, on Lee:** "Lee is like blended up okra. It looks nasty at first, but when you put it in your gumbo soup, it's bangin'!"

**Ino, on Lee:** "My ultimate goal in life is to give Lee an extreme fashion make-over."

**Gaara, on Lee:** "He's…a special person to me. He was one of the first to soothe the monster inside of me…"

**Lee, on himself: **"Not only do I aspire to be like Gai-sensei, but I also wish to be as great as Captain Planet and Tony the Tiger!"

**XXX**

**I Don't Dance**

**Move III**

**XXX**

A low, sexy chuckle.

"Ahhh…_haaahhh_…oh God Kyuubi…harder…_harder_!"

Minato tossed his head back, the Adam apple of his throat quivering.

Kyuubi smirked.

"You ought to feel lucky that I'm being so…generous today, Mi-na-_to_."

"Mmmm…dear God you're getting that spot right there…it feels so good…_ah…ah…!_"

"That's right Minato, _scream_ for me. _Beg_ for my touches…"

"Kyuubi…I don't think I can take anymore…I'm going to…I'm going to—"

_I don't do BLACK music, I don't do WHITE music!_

_I make FIGHT MUSIC, for high school kids! I put lives at risk when I drive like this; I put wives_

_at risk with knives like this, AHHHHH!_

_Oh—you want me to watch my mouth, how? Take my fucking eyeballs out, and turn them _

_around? Look, I'll burn your fucking house down, circle around, and hit the hydrant so you can't _

_put your burning furniture out._

_You want me to fix up lyrics while the President gets his dick sucked? (EWWWWW!)_

_Fuck that, take drugs, rape sluts…!_

'_Cause, I never knew I'd get this big, effect this kid, get him to slit his wrist or hit this bitch…!_

Minato immediately stood up, cutting his back massage session with Kyuubi short. Minato removed the pair of glasses he wore and dropped the college essays he was grading. Kyuubi picked up the nearest chair and threw it out the nearest window.

"That fucking BRAT! How DARE he interrupt my time with you by shouting Eminem lyrics? I'm going to KILL HIM!" Kyuubi snarled, pulling out two switchblades from the depths of his pocket. Minato blanched.

"Ah, all that won't be necessary Kyuubi," Minato assured, rubbing his temples. "He's been singing Eminem songs ever since he got back from the hospital. It's his angry music, even though I highly _disapprove _of it."

Kyuubi placed his switchblades back into his pocket. He picked up on the worry that lingered in Minato's eyes. He wrapped his arms around Minato's middle and rested his head on Minato's shoulder. Kyuubi liked the way Minato relaxed into his grip.

_Bitch, I'ma KILL YOU! You don't wanna FUCK with me!_

_Girls neither, you ain't nothing but a slut to me!_

_Bitch I'ma KILL YOU! You ain't got the balls to beef..!_

_I said you don't, wanna fuck with Shady (cause why?)_

_Cause Shady…will fucking KILL YOU! (Haha!)_

"Did you and the brat get into a fight?" Kyuubi asked.

Minato sighed softly. "We…we did…"

**OOO **

_Minato pulled his hair in frustration as he paced around Naruto's hospital room. His son was lying in a white bed with a large cast encasing his left leg. Naruto's surgery had occurred without any difficulties. The doctor informed Minato about how Naruto's recovery would take anywhere from four to six weeks. _

"_I told you no good would come out of your dancing hobby! Now you've gone and broke your leg in three different places! Do you know how much the hospital bills are going to be Naruto? Not only that, but I've found where you've been hiding your report cards. Right under your mattress next to the dirty magazine and vanilla flavored condoms. You're failed four classes, and you're in danger of failing another two! I'm not only upset at you Naruto, but I'm disappointed. I try so hard for you, and I only want the best for you. You know this. This is why I'm chewing you out right now, because I –"_

_Naruto looked his father straight in eyes. "I apologize for being so fucking stupid! I know I'm stupid, that's why I dance! It's the only thing I'm good at!"_

"_Watch your language Naruto! It's the only think you think you're good at. And you are not stupid Naruto. I never did think you were. I just don't want you to invest all of your time in the hopes of getting into Julliard, of all places! It has a seven percent acceptance rate! And do you honestly think the dancers there move to the likes of 50 Cent and Justin Timberlake?" _

"_Then if I don't get in there, I'll just work my way up the ranks! You keep on trying to put me down, telling me I can't do this or the odds of that are low! What the hell? I bet mom wouldn't have acted this way. I…I think you hate me!" Naruto shouted. _

_A stiff silence stretched across the room. Naruto began to idly doodle anime characters on his white cast, not daring to look his father in the eyes anymore._

"_Think whatever you want, son," Minato bit out quietly. He never called Naruto 'son' before and it caused Naruto to inwardly flinch. Minato continued, "But at any rate, you're grounded. As in no TV, no iPod, no computer, no cell phone, no dancing, no friends—"_

"_They're all pissed off at me anyway…"_

"…_and of course, no ramen. I expect you to stay in your room, study, and eat salads. Don't give me that look son; I mean what I say. Good night." _

**OOO**

Minato closed his eyes. "Maybe…I was too harsh on him? But…he's such an idealist…very much like his mother. I just don't want to see him fall. I don't want to see him get hurt. I don't want him…to end up like Kushina."

Kyuubi nuzzled Minato's neck and planted a lightly kiss against the skin there. At the dawning realization of what Minato was falling in to, he elbowed Kyuubi in the ribs and created space between them at once. Kyuubi coughed in pain, "What the fuck was that for? It wasn't like I was trying to molest you. I controlled myself this time!"

"…I could feel your erection digging into my _behind_," Minato deadpanned.

Kyuubi licked his lips and grinned. "Did that turn you on?"

**XXX**

"Uchiha Sasuke."

Sasuke looked up from washing his hands. Naruto's little creepy "psychic" friend stood right beside him, holding a bucket of sand. Sasuke was slightly disturbed, since he didn't even hear when Naruto's little creepy friend entered their school's male restroom.

Sasuke turned off the faucet and began to shake his hands dry. The paper towel dispenser was empty.

"Uchiha Sasuke," Gaara repeated. Sasuke gave Gaara a pointed look. "You don't have to say my name that way just because I'm Japanese."

Gaara's face remained blank. "You are to come with me Uchiha. We have things to discuss. In my sand, I have seen why Uzumaki acted the way he did. It all goes back to you Uchiha. All…to…you…"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about. Don't you have a psychologist to be seeing right about now? Anyway, if you'll excuse me I'll be leavin—"

Lee popped out of the last restroom stall with a metal pipe in hand.

"I apologize for the act of violence I am about to commit upon you, Sasuke, but it is for a pure and important cause! Please forgive me!"

_I am not going to get hit in the head with a metal pipe by Rock Lee. I am not going to get kidnapped by Rock Lee and Gaara, of all people, inside the disgusting restroom of our equally disgusting high school. The idea of it all…is just too absurd for me to fully comprehend…_

Those were Sasuke's last coherent thoughts before a sharp pain struck him in the back of the head and made him black out.

**XXX**

**Profile Eight**

**Name:** Hinata Hyuuga

**Age:** 17

**Hair:** Dark Navy Blue

**Eyes:** Light Grey

**Ethnicity: **Japanese

**Likes:** Naruto, her friends, dancing, romance, swimming, playing violin, riding horses, oranges, animals, reading, shojo manga, yoga, fried chicken, her cell phone, Hot Topic accessories, and running around outside during thunderstorms in her underwear

**Dislikes:** Fighting, sushi, conformity, and uncomfortable clothing, bad weather

**Occupation(s):** Student/Dance Team Member/Peacekeeper/Heiress

**Nickname(s):** Hina-chan, Double D's, Pin-Up Star, SUDOKU's Angel

**Family:** Hiashi Hyuuga (father), Hanabi Hyuuga (sister), Neji Hyuuga (cousin)

**Catchphrase:** "…Ah…" (blushes)

**Naruto, on Hinata:** "She's so cute! Sometimes I wish I could dress her up and take her home with me! Like you would with a Barbie doll!"

**Sakura, on Hinata:** "I wish I had her boobs. It's not fair, that girl hardly eats anything! Maybe it's some kind of magical family secret…"

**Neji, on Hinata:** "…Hm."

**Shino, on Hinata: **"…She's very precious to me."

**Kiba, on Hinata: **"If only I could get her bastard cousin out of the way…then I'd be able to date her…heh…"

**XXX**

_Itachi took another bite of his dumpling and frowned. _

"…_These aren't soft enough. Have you lost your touch at frying, dear brother?" _

_Itachi calmly tilted his head to the left as a glass vase zoomed past his face and smashed into the wall on the right side of him. Sasuke reached towards the small lamp next to him. _

"_Tell me the story before I end up taking over the company early," Sasuke threatened. Itachi gave an irritated sigh. _

"…_What is this story that you speak of, little brother?"_

_The lamp flew, and Itachi was able to smartly dodge the flying object once more. _

"_Ah yes…that story. Please control your temper and sit down." _

_Once Sasuke sat, Itachi crossed his legs and folded his arms on his lap. _

"_Well, let me start off by saying this…did you know that our parents were very good friends with Naruto's? And that Naruto's parents were never 'officially' married? That aforementioned tidbit of information plays a role in this story, so do make sure to remember it. Also keep in mind that Naruto's father, Minato Namikaze, was unaware of the fact that he had son until after his wife's death…" _

**XXX**

**Why I Suck Right Now**

_A Self-Degrading List by Naruto Uzumaki_

_Fourth Edition_

Sassy-cakes, the sexy Asian of my wet dreams and object of my romantic fondness, hates me (and will continue to hate me).

I broke my damn leg. Which means I can't dance. Which means I'm pretty much useless. Which goes back to Sasuke rejecting me.

My friends all hate me (well, maybe not Hinata). For being a complete asshole. But I was only being a complete asshole because Sasuke rejected me big time.

I told my dad that I think he hates me. WHAT THE HELL NARUTO? If that wasn't immature and stupid, then I don't know WHAT was! Which still goes back to Sasuke rejecting me…big time.

I suck.

I suck.

I suck and I'm depressed.

I suck big time.

I suck harder than a chick giving a dude a bangin' blow job…

I still want to suck Sasuke off…

Fuck. Suck rhymes with fuck. And duck.

I am VERY gay for Sasuke and Sasuke alone. Tits and ass are still nice though…

Mmm. Sasuke with tits. Or better yet, Sasuke cross-dressing…

I want to suck Sasuke off AFTER we've been dating for awhile…

Do I just want to sleep with Sasuke?

No…I really…really like Sasuke. I like him so much that I want to take him on dates…and then suck him off accordingly…

I love Sasuke. Wait…what?

…

Aw shit.

Naruto had given up on singing intense rap music and instead choose to hobble on down to the living room with his crutches, sit on the couch, and write out his self-degrading list. After scribbling out number nineteen, he pulled at his hair and growled in frustration.

"Does Minato know that you fantasize about sucking off boys you piece of shit?" Kyuubi quipped from behind. Naruto snatched his list and crumpled it into a ball with one hand while waving a crutch at his father's stalker with the other.

"Stop fucking creeping on me you psycho bastard! I'm not a piece of shit and WHY are you HERE where my dad isn't?"

Kyuubi smacked Naruto's crutch out of his hand with ease. "Useless brat! You're the one that chased Minato away with your bitching!" He then slapped Naruto upside the head. Naruto squawked indignantly and managed to scratch Kyuubi face for revenge.

"Bastard fox!"

"Ugly brat!"

"I look JUST like my dad! That means you're calling him ugly too dumbass!"

"You'll NEVER be like your father!" Kyuubi roared back, this time causing Naruto to remain silent. Kyuubi smiled maliciously, revealing the sharpness of his teeth.

"Here's some news for you kid. You're nothing but trouble for your father and I mean it. You wonder why he's still single? It's 'cause he doesn't want to hurt your feelings. You'd probably have yet another bitch fit and accuse him of cheating on his dead wife. Do you really think Minato wants to spend all of his time working and taking care of your ungrateful ass? Heh, but I guess I should give you just a smidgen of credit. If it wasn't for you, your momma would have still been livin' and that would have made seducing Minato harder…"

Naruto twisted his body around on the couch so that he could grab Kyuubi by his shirt. "What the hell are you talking about you _evil_ fuck? You don't know shit about my family; my mom died in a car accident!"

Kyuubi pushed Naruto away, hard enough so that Naruto rolled off the couch and onto the floor.

"Looks like Minato didn't have the heart to tell you _everything_."

**XXX**

Sasuke decided that Naruto's friends all had severe cases of stupidity. How else could he explain the fact that was being held against his will at the Haruno residence? For more than five hours? They had removed his shirt and glasses. They had tied him to a pole which, to take a guess, was located in the basement of Haruno's home. And to make matters worse, Sasuke needed to take a piss.

He was definitely going to choke a bitch or two.

Kiba poked Sasuke in the ribs with a rather sharp stick he found in Sakura's yard. "So fess up Uchiha. Gaara said you did something to Naruto and we want to know what kind of satanic magic you used on him!"

Scratch that. Sasuke was going to MAIM all the bitches.

When Sasuke didn't reply, Kiba poked him harder with the stick. Sasuke glared. Kiba smirked. "You can end this Uchiha, all you have to do is confess to your sins…"

"Fuck you," Sasuke said coolly, earning yet another poke from Kiba.

Hinata looked from Sasuke to Sakura, Kiba, and Gaara in concern. "Guy—guys…isn't this illegal? I mean…Sasuke…this…this isn't right…"

"Hinata," Ino cooed, appearing from behind and wrapping her arms around her neck, "Sasuke hurt Naruto. Do you really want someone who made Naruto break his leg run free without receiving a proper punishment?"

Sai, who sat next to Hinata, smiled. "I think we should cut off his—"

"No," Neji said quickly which caused Lee, Ino, and Chouji to squeal. Chouji whispered to Ino, "I wish Neji would just ask Sai out already!"

"AHEM," Sakura started, "as interesting as Neji's crush on Sai is, we still haven't got the information we need from Uchiha on Naruto. Our friend whom we're

currently-pissed-at-but-not-really. So, without further ado, play that funky music white boy!"

"I take offense to that Haruno," Shino muttered as he pushed play on his boom box.

_When the sun shines, we'll shine together,_

_Told you I'll be here forever! Said I'll always be a friend,_

_Took an oath, I'ma stick it out in the end!_

_Now that's raining more than ever, know that we'll still have each other,_

_You can stand under my umbrella; you can stand under my umbrella…._

_Ella, ella, ella, eh eh eh_

_Under my umbrella, ella, ella eh, eh eh…._

"One of the most annoying songs in existence, Umbrella by Rihanna," Kiba said smugly, poking Sasuke with his stick, "If that doesn't break you, then Akamaru taking a piss on you should, pretty boy. And if Akamaru taking a piss on you doesn't work, then we'll get Gaara to fuck around with your mind before allowing Ino n' Sai to have their _wicked _ways with your pasty, scrawny body."

_Ella, ella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh eh!_

_Oh baby it's raining, raining…._

Sakura held Sasuke's cell phone in her hand and casually remarked, "Your older brother called, by the way. I told him where you were at and he said to be back in time to make him some proper dumplings."

"…The idiot said he liked me and I told him to go fuck himself. Now get me off of this pole," Sasuke spat out, venom laced in his tone. Shino turned off the music and Kiba stopped poking Sasuke with his stick.

"Oh fuck," Kiba breathed, "I always knew Uzumaki liked teasing you but I didn't know that he was…serious. Fuck…and you _rejected_ him? You fucking _asshole_!"

Temari (who had come to the Sasuke questioning for kicks) raised a fist in the air. "Burn the witch! Douse him in Holy Water! How dare he deny the love the Holy Dance God Uzumaki! Let the queers mate!"

Shikamaru eyed the bottle she held hidden in a brown paper bag with suspicion. But his attention turned away from Gaara's older sister to Neji's cousin, who had stolen Kiba's stick and was now viciously poking Sasuke with it.

"Naruto's a really good person and you're just a really big…big…big liar! Naruto always told me about how you would follow him and watch him dance in the studio! Despite the fact that you're a complete motherfu—jerk and despite the fact that I've liked him for a longer time, I thought that I could get over my crush and be happy to see the two of you together! You'd better go to Naruto's house right now and apologize before I...before I…!"

Kiba took his stick out of Hinata's hand, saving Sasuke from an especially hard poke. Thanks to Hinata, his skin was speckled with red dots, some of which were bleeding. Kiba held Hinata back and looked at Neji in confusion. "…Does she have a split personality by any chance?"

Neji shrugged. "Perhaps. I don't really care."

"So," Sasuke said dryly, "can you idiots let me down now?"

Gaara, who had been silent yet vigilant throughout the questioning, spoke.

"No."

Lee gently touched Gaara on the shoulder. "Why not? Are you sensing something else from Sasuke?"

"I sense two things," Gaara said tonelessly. "One, he's hiding information, and two, Haruno's cellular device is about to ring. She will get bad news."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Now this is just complete bullshit—"

"Shut up Uchiha," Sakura murmured as she pulled out her ringing phone. The atmosphere surrounding her basement became heavy with unease. Sakura answered, putting her conversation on speaker phone so that all would be able to hear.

"Hey…Mr. N, what's up? How's Naruto…?"

Minato's frenzied voice rang clearly through Sakura's phone, "Naruto…oh God, he's missing! He's…he's ran away from home! He isn't with his other friends by any chance? Has he stopped by your house or anything…?"

Sakura gripped her phone tightly and swallowed thickly. "Ah…no…I'm sorry, I haven't seen or spoken to Naruto since his accident…and the bunch of us are at my house right now and I don't believe any of them has seen or talked to him either…did he leave a note or anything? This doesn't sound like him at all…"

"That's the thing," Minato said, nearly inaudible, "I checked his room and found all of things important to him gone. The suitcase he keeps in his closet was gone as well…"

"Okay…you should calm down Mr. N, you called the police right? I mean, Naruto's leg is broken for goodness sakes, he couldn't have gone far! Me and the gang are going to go out looking for right now. I'll call you back if we figure anything out."

"Thank you Sakura. Goodbye."

_Click. _

Gaara stood up from his spot on the floor. "I can barely detect Uzumaki now. He's leaving the radius of this part of the city and he's leaving it at a rapid pace. It seems that someone is helping him run away."

Sakura nodded curtly. Hinata cleared her voice and spoke up, "Is Naruto running away because of…of him?" She asked, looking in Sasuke's direction.

Sasuke snorted, "If the idiot is running away because of me, then he's a bigger dumbass than I thought possible."

Hinata ignored Sasuke's remark. Gaara pinched the bridged of his nose and shook his head.

"No, Hyuuga. There is story behind all this. A story that the Uchiha knows of."

"Alright then," Sakura said as she began untying Sasuke from the pole, "this is what we're going to do. Temari, Gaara, Lee, Sasuke, and I are going to take Temari's car and hit the streets. The rest of you need to split up amongst yourselves. I want someone at Naruto's house looking for clues and I want other people to walk around looking for clues. We all have our phones on us right?"

"I don't," Sai admitted rather sheepishly, "Well, I do, but it's dead…"

Sakura smirked. "Then you get to stick _extra _close to Neji. I'm sure Ino and Chouji will make sure of that."

"Damn straight," Chouji agreed with a snap of his fingers. Shino laughed, but no one noticed because it was a hidden kind of laugh. Neji's face grew red and Sai looked rather confused.

Sakura eyed Sasuke pointedly as he gingerly touched the bleeding areas where he had been poked with that damn stick.

"…And when you're done being a baby about your minor injuries, you're going to tell us a nice, long story, _hai_?"

"_Jigoku-e iku_," Sasuke snapped back. Sai nodded, "He just told you to go to hell, hag-face."

That's when Sakura's lost her angelic patience and punched Sasuke Uchiha squarely in the face.

"May I remind everyone in this room that Temari is drunk," Shikamaru stated seriously. "We can't really expect her to drive us anywhere, right?"

"Shut the fuck up white boy," Temari snapped, taking another long gulp of her drink. "Now let's get the hell out of here you little gangster wannabes."

**XXX**

"Yo, Michael Jackson, how much longer 'til we get to this place and meet this Madara guy?" Naruto asked the man sitting beside him. It was getting dark outside and Naruto was getting tired of being in a car for so long. Not to mention he couldn't scratch the itchy skin underneath his cast. It was driving him insane.

The man sitting in front and driving the car made an angry sound. He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Uzumaki, watch how you speak to the man who's going to make all of your dreams come true."

Naruto rolled his eyes and leaned back in his seat. "Chill out K-Dizzle, Michael Jackson and I are cool people…but just to be safe, are you sure this Madara dude isn't like…one of your little jailbait slaves or partner in pedophilic crimes? Cuz that shit don't fly with me son…"

"Wouldn't that make you a victim then, Uzumaki?" Orochimaru replied sweetly before turning his attention to his driver, "Kabuto, turn on the radio. Now. I want to drown out the stupid."

"Hey, I'm not stupid you motherfucking pedo! I know how to handle mofos like you bitch," Naruto snapped back causing Orochimaru to hiss darkly.

Kabuto did as he was told. Naruto's ears perked up at the song that was playing at the moment, I Kissed a Girl by Katy Perry. He began to sing along with the song, substituting some of the words for his own/ rapping the lyrics.

_I fucked a boy and I liked it, the taste of his sweat on my lips…_

_I fucked a boy just to try it, I hope my girlfriend don't mind it…_

_It felt so wrong, it felt so right, don't mean I'm in love to-night, _

_I fucked a boy and I liked it…I'm glad I tried it…_

"So, Uzumaki, why the sudden change of heart? When I first gave you my offer, you were vehemently against it," Orochimaru said smoothly. Naruto stopped bopping his head, rapping to the song and shrugged, his expression becoming more solemn.

"…I guess…with the stuff that's been going on lately…it would be better this way."

"Fo' shizzle," Kabuto agreed with a smug grin.

**XXX**

**Profile Nine**

**Name:** Itachi Uchiha

**Age:** 22

**Hair:** Black

**Eyes:** Black

**Ethnicity: **Japanese

**Likes:** Manipulating Sasuke, teasing Sasuke, making Sasuke's life a living hell, working, classical music, making Sasuke cook for him, hair products, being rich, purple nailpolish, being a compete bastard, The Uchiha Family Bible, his pet weasel, painkillers, Jerry Springer, his Macbook Pro, Starbucks coffee, shopping, Kisame, hurricanes, pretending to molest Sasuke in his sleep, sword fights, and puppies

**Dislikes:** Weakness, his inner over-fondness for Sasuke, the random lines on his face, bad cooking, cold tea, little children, most people, and the government trying to make him pay more taxes

**Occupation(s):** Company Owner , Older Brother, and Full-Time Bastard

**Nickname(s):** Aniki, Older Sasuke, Weasel Face, The Devil, and Fluffernutters (only used by Kisame and sparingly)

**Family:** Sasuke, Fugaku and Mikoto Uchiha (deceased) and some more dead Uchihas

**Catchphrase:** "You lack balls and tea making skills, foolish little brother."

**Sasuke, on Itachi:** "I've tried to get rid of him many times. My attempts have all failed thus far."

**Kisame, on Itachi:** "On the outside, he may seem like an evil bitch. And he kind of is. But on the inside, he's a big sweetheart. Really."

**Fugaku and Mikoto Uchiha in Heaven:** (in tears of despair)

**XX End Move XX **

**Z/N: **This is me getting better about replying to reviewers because you guys always make my day whenever I open my e-mail. This is also a bribe for you guys to review even more. Hahaha.

**Reviwer Replies: **

**Dragon77:** Glad you like and I hope you enjoy this chapter! Thanks for reviewing!

**Bleepbloopbanana:** Whaa! First off, let me tell you that I adore your fics. Very much so. And now that I've got my author-admiration out of the way…thank you so much for reviewing! Kyuubi/Minato, Lee/Gaara and my new, very-much-adored OTP, Neji/Sai all win very hard! Gangsta!Naruto is one that stays very close to my heart annnnnd trying to get me to extend this fic? A sequel, mayhap? We'll see. Mwhahaha. Much love back!

**Cardcaptor111:** Glad you love it! Thanks for reviewing!

**Valentine Satiguss:** Soo…much…love! I'm drowning in it! And so is this fic! Now only if some of that love could make its way toward Sassy-cakes…thanks for the review!

**Chicago x Pillowz:** This is me updating! And this is definitely not a masterpiece…this is more like me being a crackhead. Thanks for reviewing!

**iRyxie: **Four-shot indeed. Of course, if people want me to change their mind... (smirks). Thanks for reviewing!

**Chimerical:** My apologies, Sasuke won't really have time to be lusty/jealous at this rate. But I promise you something equally fanservice-y in the last chapter! Thanks for reviewing!

**Colgate.Advanced.Fresh/Colgate Oops:** Oh, you are a Sasuke Fangirl. Even the Sasuke Haters secretly worship the little bastard. And Itachi's an equal bastard, as you can see. I love Sudoku, even though I kind of suck at it…anyway, thanks for the review! Glad you're enjoying the fic!

**Namine12:** Updated! Glad you enjoy! Thanks for the review!

**Mata:** I think Minato would feel guilty if he got together with Kyuubi. He's sensitive like that. Thanks for reviewing !

**Roz-cha:** Here's the next chapter! Thank you for reviewing and putting this on your alerts!

**Mikra:** Hell yes indeed. Thank you for reviewing!

**Naru-chan.love:** That's kind of why I wrote this fic. I mean, I could totally see Naruto being this street dancing, booty-popping, gangsta-nese person…and when I went to scour the 'net for such a fic, I couldn't find it! And when I can't find something, I write it, hence the birth of this crack. I'm more than happy to reach out to the dance lovers and rap-music fans in the fanfiction community! Thanks for reviewing!

**Kaesaku:** I've never seen Step Up 2, although I want to someday soon. Glad you like the humor and I thank you for reviewing!

**Toniloveskakasaku:** Uh…here's the chapter. No need to be so demanding! Thanks for reviewing!

**Sunset-joy and Blue Eyed Demond: **Updated and being finished! Thanks for the reviews!!

**Hitsugayasugar:** Correction, Gangsta!Naruto is the sex and the world needs more of him! Thanks for reviewing!


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